I'm moving on Monday, supposedly. I have so much shit to pack and very little (very, VERY little) time to pack it in.

I'm excited.

I'm scared.

I'm excited and scared.

But I'm also confident that everything will work out.
After all, this is what I really, really want.
I'm going out there all on my own.

No job.
No permanent residence.

Just me and my little beetle bug.
And my dreams.
Those don't mean much to a lot of people anymore, but they make up the better part of me at this time.

Let's see what can really fly, shall we?
Here I go.

This is what I want in the depth of my soul.

Plain White T's
"Hey There Delilah"

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Time Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

so, i haven't talked to my best friend in a long time. she's got a boyfriend, and apparently he's mr. right, so then i'm forgotten about.
i had a right to be mad about it when i was about a month or so ago. i shouldn't have been so apologetic. oh well. you learn from your mistakes.
i'm just so tired of being pushed to the back of everyone's mind. i won a cruise, and i couldn't think of one person who would consider me before anyone else to go w/. that just sux.
i'm hoping this year will be the best ever. it's my senior year, and i hope to be me the whole way through.
i don't need a stupid boyfriend trying to fix me or change me or distract me. i'm fine the way i am, and i actually like me on good days. on bad days, i'm not the worst person in the world, either. so really, i'm kinda cool.
it would be nice to know if certain people actually cared about me - what i think, what i feel, what is going on, what i don't care about.
it's just hard living in this cyclic world, going around and around people who just walk over you. . . then you think there's someone who won't. . . but they do it, too. it never ends.
i am a musician, even though i'm not doing much about it these days. i get to sing on saturday, and that's pretty much the highlight of my life.
i work for arbonne international, now, and i believe in them - it's funny, but i really do. imagine that.
what sense am i going to make of my life? i have no effin clue, but i do know one thing. . .

i'm going to let it ride.

so you think you found the one
well then baby get in line
this time i think you'll find the ground
where you'll get up and run
it's easy to be bitter about second place
in a heart of hearts that beats the same
three years going and you still got me
but you're right, you always will
to what do i owe the pleasure of this pain
forever friendship, this i do deserve
it's hard to pick my head up
when my heart is on the floor

at your feet.

. . . beautiful.

It's funny how things we thought would destroy
every ounce of us turn out to make our lives even better.
When God closes one door, He opens another, right?

Well,
He opened a whole building.

Amazing.

We broke up.
It really sux.
I'll be ok, I guess.
God is a healer.

I'm listening to Hanson again. I was obsessed w/them when I was about. . . hmmm. . . 12? Yeah. Fun times.

Tonight was good. Ashley, Kat, Kathi, and I went out to Las Palmas and ate. It was goodness! :)

I don't know what is going on w/me and my love. I want us to just be ok. I love him passionately, but I don't know if he feels the same way. I'm afraid to ask him. He's always so stressed out from work or life or his family, and I just don't want to bother him. That's terrible. I just don't know what to do or say, or what not to do or say.

Enough about that. I'm going to clean the kitchen.

MY LITTLE NEPHEW IS ABOUT TO POP OUT!!!!!!!!!

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited!!!!!!

Owen Patrick Connell. I can't wait to meet him. :)

I love him so much more than I can really explain to him, but I don't know if he really understands that.
I think about him all the time, and I don't know if he thinks about me a lot.
I don't like to be away from him, that's the honest truth, b/c I learn so much from him and I love to be around him b/c of who he is.

I know what I have is amazing - I just hope it doesn't get taken away from me.
I want to be w/him for as long as possible, but sometimes I feel like I push him away or something.

Maybe I worry too much, but if you only knew how truly incredible this man is, esp. to me, you'd worry a little bit, too.

Nathan was killed in Iraq.
I can't believe it.
I'm at a loss,

but I know where to turn.

I'm here. My hair is red. We've been working hard.

Go, Jesus, Go!

. . . he officially became my boyfriend. :)

Love grows wings and flies
But I just can't see past
Your dark brown eyes
Perfect teeth and all
That gaze at me
No wonder I fall
Each time you say my name
Out loud, or call me
Affectionately what you will
As long as you promise me
Tomorrow you and I will be
Together, but a dream still
But I will wake to find
Your big eyes meeting mine
The words "I love you"
Leave your lips
As I slowly find your fingertips
Touching mine

ANSLEE
A is for Amorous
N is for Nice
S is for Swanky
L is for Luscious
E is for Enthusiastic
E is for Extreme


I'm so in love . . . :)

2 months from yesterday I'll be in Khon Kaen, Thailand.
I'm ready.
I'm excited.
I can't wait to see what God does while I'm over there.

Amber - I missed you at Easter! Sorry about that, we'll
have to hang out sometime for sure. Just let me know when
you're in town and I'll do my best to contact you.

Gizem - I need to see you soon. It has been far too long,
love.

There's a boy in my life who I want to be more than just
friends w/, but timing is way off. . . I don't understand
why that is, but hey - it's not my life, anyway. It's so
hard to say no and to wait, but good things come to boys
and girls who wait. *sigh*

Love isn't a religion.
God made love begin His religion. Chew that one.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Why can't you see and understand the truth?
I will die so you can experience real love.

God - kill me to make them see! My heart
burns for Your truth to be known. . .

Make them see.

i'm the coolest person in the world b/c my flavorite word is hypotenuse and i invented a word like larginity to describe my eyes and ghetto.

i'm really not. . . i just pretend like i'm conceited b/c maybe it will help my self-esteem.

i'm really a huge dork, but i love it b/c there's no one else like me, or you, on earth and we're all rocktastically cool in some way or another!

woohoo - the brain is fried from studying. i almost just typed "friend" instead of "fried" - hah, did it again!

I have a crush and I hate it. I want it to go away so bad that I feel like crying. I don't want it at all - I'm not ready to even date right now! I just want to punch something.

Not all of us know what life truly is.

Ask me for the secret if you haven't been informed, or are misinformed.

~~~~~~~~

You will reject me- I am definite of that.
But I am not the one who makes up your mind either way. . .
and I'm ok w/that.

contrary to popular belief. . .

some of us DO get out alive.

chew on that for a while.

Happy Birthday to ME! :)